Newborn series: Part 2 -- Recovery and adaptation
I am finally feeling completely better after battling the flu. And, fortunately, my little guy didn't get it! Sometimes, I think being a breastfed baby is like having impenetrable, anti-sick armor. I am very glad that both he and my sweet hubby emerged unscathed.
Anyway, I am writing today to share my early postpartum and C-section recovery story with you. Quite frankly, when I think about that time, it is still a little bit foggy. I ask for your grace and understanding if this post is a little more rambling than usual. I suppose sleep deprivation and wacky hormones will do that to you.
In a similar way to a vaginal birth, recovery from a C-section starts immediately afterward. Once the surgeon has stitched you up and you've been wheeled out of the OR, the challenges begin.
For me, the first day consisted of fighting blurry vision and the desire to vomit because of the heavy pain medication. Don't get me wrong... I was elated to have my baby boy out in the world and to share him with our family! But my body felt all wrong and weird. Over the next few days, I gradually regained basic functions -- like being able to focus visually, eat and drink normally, sit up, walk around, and lift very light objects.
We stayed in the hospital for five days. Kris and I desperately wanted to go home sooner, but in hindsight, a longer stay was ultimately better for us because it gave us time to recover and gain confidence -- especially when it came to breastfeeding -- before we no longer had access to help from medical professionals.
In his first couple days, Asher lost some weight, so we adopted a rigorous feeding and pumping schedule. We fed every two or three hours around the clock, followed immediately by pumping.
At times, I could feel my blood pressure rising as five different nurses told me an equal number of different methods to properly nurse my son. I tried to sleep briefly between feedings, which helped me regain some sanity when I managed it, but as anyone who has spent a night in the hospital knows, it is hard to rest when at least one light is always on and nurses are checking in every hour. I wanted to go home so badly, especially after our third day. I simply longed for the comfort of our own bed and the privacy we would have without constant interruptions.
Kris might recall things more clearly than I can, but at one point, I remember breaking down and crying from sheer exhaustion and frustration. How could I be expected to function on such ridiculously small amounts of sleep? And how could almost ALL the nurses be saying different things and assuming they were right?!?
I just needed some clarity. And rest. I REALLY needed rest.
Then, in my hour of need, an angel of mercy -- in the form of a lactation consultant -- swooped in! She helped us focus on the fundamentals. For example, is the baby getting fed? If so, this fact, in itself, is a victory. Also, did I feel comfortable with the method I was using to hold him? Was I trusting my mama instincts to know what helped both of us relax during feedings?
I don't remember her name, but I will forever be grateful for her kindness and grace. I had reached the end of my rope, so to speak, with all the opinions and contradictory instructions! She helped me to calm down and find my focus.
Once we were discharged from the hospital, we finally made it back home! What a relief and a balm to our souls! Being home felt MUCH better than staying in the hospital, let me tell ya.
Even so, my emotions were on a crazy roller coaster ride during those first couple weeks after Asher's birth. I would swing wildly -- and rapidly -- from elation at the beauty and miraculous nature of our little son's tiny fingers to dark despair at the thought of not being a competent mother. The joys and fears of motherhood felt completely overwhelming! Add to these things a bevy of troubling physical limitations, as well as crushing sleep deprivation, and you have a recipe for confusion and many, many, tears.
In the midst of these hard moments, I am grateful for my sweet husband. He is (and was) a rock star! I remember feeling completely filled with love and affection as I watched him be a daddy. He quickly learned how to swaddle our son like a pro, change his diapers, rock him to sleep, and help me nurse him.
His help was especially important, at the time, because I couldn't even stand up for too long during the first couple days back home. Even after regaining the strength to walk around, sitting up for long periods of time and walking up and down the stairs to our apartment almost proved too difficult for me.
I felt so weak physically, and yet I knew that this little baby needed me to help sustain his life. What a paradox! At the most vulnerable point in our journey with new children, we must be present and able to nurture them, thoroughly providing for their needs!
One thing I recall clearly from the first month at home with Asher is my complete and utter dependence on God. I felt so broken by the challenges my body had endured, and yet I knew that God had a plan and a purpose, even in my hardest moments. Through nearly constant prayer and many mornings spent reading my Bible, I found hope and rest in the midst of chaos. Kris and I found that God also brought family members and friends alongside us when we needed their help and encouragement the most. I will always be grateful for their presence with us and the love they poured out to our family in those early days.
Looking back on this time in our family's life, I know that I was not perfect in my reactions, thoughts, words, or behavior, but I am grateful for where we were then and where we are now. The only way out is through! And yet all the challenges along the way are more than worthwhile. I believe God uses them to shape the people and the parents we will become.
Thank you, once again, for visiting my blog! I would love to hear your stories about recovery from birth and early postpartum challenges, as well as the victories and sweet moments. What was it like for you in those first few days and weeks with your littles? Please feel free to comment below or visit the Facebook page for Mama Smith Writes.
May God bless you and keep you. Until next time...
Soli Deo Gloria
- Mama Smith
Image by Chris Ristine.
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